There are some things in life people just can’t help. Things people are born into, like your family, your body, your generation. And your gender.
That’s obvious, though. People who read my blog are likely to realize or empathize with the fact that you can’t control the gender you were born into, and that’s just a sad fact of life. But I’ve made many a post about transgender people. That’s not what my post is about today.
My post is about family.
From the people I know online, I know that there are lots of people who hate their families, or at least dislike them a whole lot, and wouldn’t shed a tear if they moved away. I’m a little different in that regard. I believe with all my heart I’m trans. The name Lance has just started to feel like my name. But goddamn it, I love my conservative family.
It doesn’t help that they’re all against gay marriage and queer stuff all together, and I know my immediate family doesn’t take the whole transgender thing seriously. I tested the waters with Degrassi. The whole thing infuriates the hell out of me. Not to mention my father has some sort of moodswing issue. One day, he’ll be nice, but if you work him too hard, he gets testy and insult-y. My extended family is mostly a godsend, if not for the berating of my manners.
But to live as a woman is my greatest fear.
I can’t do it. I can’t get dressed up every day in woman’s clothes, put on make-up, do my hair, wear jewelry, be called ma’am or some such every day. It would be like a living hell. But so would leaving my family.
This entire time I was planning on moving out to Colorado and getting at least a breast reduction, if not a mastectomy, there. But now I’m not so sure. I don’t want to leave everyone behind like that. But when it comes down to a choice of my misery or my family’s unhappiness, which would I choose…